If you have gotten to my blog from there, welcome! First off let me say that I am in no way a good writer. Things always sound much better in my head than they actually do once I write them now, but this blog is a way to document my life.
We have struggled with infertility for about 2 1/2 years now. It has been a long road and I am pretty sure I have hit rock bottom more than once, but I am surviving and I have grown closer to God because of this journey.
Here is the short version of our story.........
We had a plan. Wait until we were married for 5 years and then have kids. Five years turned into just over 6 years b/c we were trying to sell our house and move. In August 2009 I ditched the pill and we finally started "trying" in September 2009. After what seemed like FOREVER at the time, we finally got a BFP in February 2010, but I miscarried about a week and a half later.
After trying for several more months with no luck, I had an HSG in August. Anyone who tells you an HSG is no big deal is lying. It felt like someone punched me in the stomach and knocked the breath out of me. It was terrible, but everything turned out normal. In October, I finally went to see an RE. We found out my FSH is slightly high for someone my age (it was 11). We decided to try Clomid (50mg) in December, and after 4 rounds of Clomid with no luck we went back to trying on our own.
In October 2011, I went back to the RE to find out my FSH was now slightly higher (now its 13) than a year ago, but still in the range of being treatable. We decided to try IUI starting in January. You can read about IUI #1 here, here, here, and here. When the 1st one didn't work, we tried a second round of IUI that resulted in a BFN. You can read about it here.
There are soo many emotions that come along with infertility. At first we were not very open with what we were going through, but over time we have become more open about it. Most people don't understand it and I have been on the receiving end of my fair share of off hand comments over the past couple of years. I try to take them in stride, but I'm not gonna lie....its hard. No one should have to go through this alone. Over the past year I have found a community of bloggers (and a few real life friends) who have struggled with infertility also. Sometimes its painful to read the stories of success with treatment and trying on their own, but it gives me hope. Their stories alone remind me that I am not alone in this journey.
We now know that IUI was not God's plan for us and for now, we are going to enjoy life and each other. God has a plan for us and I pray every day that he shows it to me in a way that I will not miss what he is calling us to do. I hope and pray that we will one day become parents, but if that is not God's plan for us then we will learn to live with that.
After our 2nd IUI, I was devastate, but after a couple of days I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Knowing that we were not going to try another treatment and knowing that this month there were no drugs to take or shots to give or multiple hours spent waiting at the doctors office. It was like I was finally able to say "We tried IUI, we have no regrets about it, but God I am giving this burden to You. I can't carry it any more." I truly believe that if God intends for us to have a child then it will happen....no matter what is wrong with my body on the inside.
I have found a couple of books that really helped me along this journey. You can click the link below to get to my thoughts on each book.
- Hannah's Hope (Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss)
- A Graceful Waiting
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing
My hope is in You, Lord
Happy Friday and Thanks for stopping by!!
3 comments:
Thanks for sharing your story ;) I'm praying that one day you will be blessed with a baby ;)
I am a new follower ;)
Hi! I'm stopping by from Kelly's blog. Thanks so much for sharing! It's great being able to find other people who know what you're going through.
Your story sounds so similar to mine. We also did 2 IUI's with no luck! I finally decided I was done with any and all IF treatments. You can read my story on my blog. I pray that God will gracefully grant you the desires of your heart!
Post a Comment