Letting Go...and Trusting God

Although I never blogged about it, we proceeded with IUI #2 after the first one resulted in a BFN.  We just found out that IUI #2 ended with a BFN.  While I am still trying to process this and I would be lying if I said I wasn't MAD/SAD...you name it, I am considerably more at peace with this than I thought I would be.  I hoped it would work.  I had prayed for months leading up to us deciding to try IUI that it was the answer.  As badly as I wanted this to be it for us, God had other plans.  I don't regret trying this and had we not,  I might have always wondered "what if?"

As I was logging into blogger to start this post, I was sidetracked by a post written by Amy @ Chapters.  She talks about the story of Sarah and Abraham.  She talks about how God had promised them a child, but Sarah tried to place her own timing on God's plan by giving Abraham her servant, Hagar.  This hit my heart hard.  Part of me wonders if fertility treatments were us doing the same thing.  We thought long and hard about it before we took the plunge and I truly believed going into it that maybe this was God's answer for us.  It was not.  I know that fertility treatments are in God's plan for several people.  I have seen it result in success.  I don't regret that we tried it, but God has a perfect timing for everything and this was not it for us.
 
My body has a variety of issues when it comes to making a baby, but I also know that they are all minor issues compared to what they could be and I know that at any moment God has the ability to heal my body.  I have seen him do just that to others who have been trying to have a baby for a lot longer than Scott and I and seeing the miracle he worked on them makes me believe even more that he can do the same for us.  I just need to have patience and keep reminding my self that God has perfect timing.

Are we going to try IUI again?  No, at least not any time in the near future.  This process has been exhausting....emotionally and physically. 

God has a plan for our lives.  We are still trying to figure out what that plan is.  Maybe it includes children, maybe it does not.  If it doesn't then we will find a way to live with that.  It will be hard, but I know that God and our family and friends will be by our side.
 
Where do we go from here?  For now I am going to (at least try to) relax, continue to exercise, enjoy this wonderful life I have with Scott, finish planning our trip to New Orleans that is coming up in just under 3 weeks, and try to get past the dissapointment and sadness.

Please keep us in your prayers as we try to see God's plan for us.  I tell God all the time that he needs to be REALLY loud and REALLY clear so that we know exactly what he is asking us to do.

 

I pinned this to a board on Pinterest a few months and have no idea where it originally came from.  I would like to eventually put this saying on a canvas or make it some sort of wall art.